


you'll soon adjust, everyone must

by lostin_space



Series: my 12 (actually 13) days of gifts [9]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Future Fic, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21887404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Alex felt a special kind of dread as he watched their 8-year-old foster child sit at the table and stubbornly stare at the full plate. This was their first night together and Alex had already decided he was the worst father ever.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: my 12 (actually 13) days of gifts [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1569967
Comments: 27
Kudos: 209





	you'll soon adjust, everyone must

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skrtl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skrtl/gifts).



> day 9 for jassi to whom I'm the worst for not knowing for sure what your ao3 was! Anyway, here's a little kidfic for you :)

“He has to eat.”

“Maybe we should make something different?”

Alex felt a special kind of dread as he watched their 8-year-old foster child sit at the table and stubbornly stare at the full plate. This was their first night together and Alex had already decided he was the worst father ever. They’d spent the whole dinner with him and he hadn’t eaten a thing, so Michael told him he had to eat something before bed and they would leave him alone if he preferred to eat that way. Now they were watching him from the hallway, getting more and more anxious as the clocked ticked later and later.

“We tried that,” Michael pointed out.

“Okay, but we can’t just force him to stay at the table until he eats. My dad used to do that, I used to force myself to eat until I threw up so he wouldn’t yell at me,” Alex responded. He felt Michael squeeze his hip.

“We’re not doing that,” he promised, “But he has to eat something. He hasn’t eaten all day.”

Alex watched until tears brimmed his eyes. “I’m a bad father. This was a mistake.”

“Hey, no, don’t say things like that,” Michael said sternly. Alex just shook his head and dropped them into his hands.

“I’ve had him for less than 12 hours and he’s already refusing to eat,” Alex whined quietly. Michael quickly wrapped him up in his arms. 

“We knew when we got him that he’s got sort of a reputation for a being a bit difficult. I was difficult too, you just have to be patient. He’s been through shit,” Michael assured him, kissing his head, “I’ll handle it.”

Michael pulled away and Alex watched nervously as his husband strolled towards Matthias. He sat beside him and smiled simply.

“Hey, bud,” Michael said softly, “Are you alright?” Matthias just stared at the plate in front of him. “Whatever it is, it’s okay. You can tell me and we’ll fix it, okay? Do you not like the food? Or the plate it’s on? Do you not like the table? Is it too hot or too cold in here? Is it the fork? Is it something else entirely?” 

Alex watched as Matthias slowly nodded to one of the things in the list.

“The fork?” Michael clarified. Matthias slowly nodded again, almost like he was scared to admit that. It broke Alex’s heart all over again. “Oh, well, why didn’t you just say so? That’s an easy fix!” Michael promised, giving a wide smile of validation. Alex didn’t move.

Instead, he watched as Michael brought Matthias over the silverware drawer and peered inside to see if they could find one where the handle had a different shape and the points weren’t as thick. In the end, they settled on a plastic fork that was still in the packaging from the last time Alex had gotten takeout.

“Tomorrow we can go and get a brand new set for you, you can pick ‘em out,” Michael promised him. Matthias just nodded. There wasn’t a smile, there wasn’t any eye contact, and Michael didn’t seem to be bothered by any of it. “Awesome. Don’t be afraid to tell me if something’s bothering you like that, we can always fix it. Or, if you don’t wanna talk, we can figure out a different way. I want us to be on the same page.”

Matthias nodded and sat down and _ate_. His bites were small and Michael didn’t watch him, just sat and kept him company. Alex tried to regain control of his panic as he shoved his thumb between his teeth and watched them. The two of them looked right. Matthias eating all too quietly for a child and Michael pretending to ignore him while doodling on a notebook that was always kept on the table. They fit.

Alex didn’t see where he was meant to fit with them.

-

“Alex, c’mon.”

Michael watched as Alex balled himself up in the corner of the bed, his face buried in his pillow. It didn’t take a genius to solve that he was upset. He sighed and kept his hands to himself, trying to figure out how to fix this. The problem was that _he_ couldn’t do anything. The only way to fix it was time. He just hated the idea of watching Alex suffer for that long.

“Alex, we just have to be patient,” he tried.

“We? You already got his trust,” Alex said. Michael knew he didn’t mean to sound jealous and so he refused to acknowledge that he did.

“No, not really. I got him a fork, that’s it. It’s going to take him months before he gets comfortable with us. It’s gonna be rough. Fuck, it’s gonna be rough _after_ he gets comfortable with us. That’s apart of it,” Michael tried. Alex didn’t move.

“I don’t think I was made for this. I think this was a bad idea,” Alex said again. Michael licked his lips and swallowed, ignoring how dry his mouth was. That was the fifth time Alex had said that in one day and it was putting a horrible feeling in Michael that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Alex, I love you, but you need to stop saying that immediately. If he hears you say anything like that, he will never, ever get comfortable with us. He will never see us as his family. He will always feel unwanted. All it takes is one sentence,” Michael warned. Alex balled up even more. 

“I don’t know how to be a dad.”

“Neither do I.”

“You’re already good at it.”

Michael scoffed and propped himself up on his arm, shaking his head. “No, I’m not. I have no idea how to be a father. That’s why we’re going to go to parenting classes. Right now, I’m just treating him how I wish I had been treated when I was his age. Just do that.”

Finally, Alex turned to face him. His eyes were troubled and his face scrunched up due to how upset he was. Michael reached out for him.

“I don’t know how to do that, Michael,” he said. Michael sighed and tugged him close. “I’m so scared I’m going to be my father.”

“I promise you, that will never happen,” Michael insisted. Alex still shook his head. “All you have to do right now is treat him like he’s a person. That’s it. Just be patient and treat him like he’s a person. You just have to try. We’ll figure out the rest together.”

“You promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

-

_ Michael: Can you pretty please pick up Matty from school and take him fork shopping? _

_ Michael: I got held up at work and I can’t make it _

_ Michael: tell him I’m super sorry and that this isn’t common _

_ Michael: and I’m super sorry to you too baby _

Alex reread the texts over and over as he sat in the carpool line. It was horribly long and he was terrified to be alone with Matthias. What if he freaked him out? What if he was pushy? What if he made him hate him? It was just too easy for all of those things to happen. Still, he was going to try. That’s all he needed to do. Try.

“Hey, bud,” Alex said as Matthias climbed into the backseat. Then he cringed at how badly the term sounded in his voice. It sounded so good in Michael’s, but he should’ve known that wasn’t exactly interchangeable. “How was school?”

“‘S okay,” Matthias answered in his small voice. Alex was shocked, but he refused to show it. He was speaking. That was good.

“Michael said he’s sorry that he couldn’t come with me, work got held up, but he’ll be here tomorrow,” Alex promised. Matthias nodded and buckled himself up. “You ready to go to the store?” Matthias looked up at him in the rearview mirror which was also new. “Unless you don’t want to. We can go home and debrief from all the people-ing you did today first.”

“We can go now,” Matthias said, his voice still very small and controlled. Alex gave a small smile and nodded.

He could do this.

They drove to the store in complete silence which seemed to be fine by both of them. Alex thought about parking in a handicap space, but decided against it because he figured someone might need it more than him. He always felt guilty when he parked there on good leg days. Besides, if it was a _bad_ leg day, he would skip going to the store altogether. But it was fine because Matthias didn’t question him.

“Stay on this side of me,” Alex said, gesturing towards the side of him that was close to the parked cars rather than the lanes with cars driving and not paying enough attention for his liking. Matthias listened without argument. It made Alex feel good. 

They walked in silence through the large store and towards the silverware section. Matthias stayed right beside him the entire time, never once straying. It felt like a tiny victory. And, when they stared at the wall of different types of silverware, they both seemed to be equally as overwhelmed.

“Wow,” Alex said. Matthias nodded. Instead of letting it intimate him, Alex shook it off and thought of what his father would do and then did the opposite. “So, what are we looking for? Let’s see.”

The two of them sat in the silverware aisle for nearly thirty minutes. Alex would hold a fork and then hand it to Matthias to inspect it for himself. If they were in a box, Alex would not-so-subtly open it to check it out too. They thoroughly inspected every single fork in the aisle until they finally found the perfect one.

“That’s it? You’re sure? Don’t need to double-check?” Alex clarified. Matthias stared at the fork and nodded. Alex grabbed six more.

When they got up to the register, the cashier seemed to find Matthias the most adorable thing in the world. Which was entirely fair. He had soft features and big brown eyes that made him seem younger than he was‒which was funny since he was already a baby in Alex’s eyes. His curly hair was cropped short and his dark skin made Alex look pale in comparison. He was adorable.

And he was only made more adorable when he pressed into Alex’s good leg when the cashier overwhelmed him with attention, keeping his eyes on the floor.

“He’s shy,” Alex said with a smile because that sounded like a good way to get her to stop.

She took it as a valid response and they made their way out of the store as quickly as possible. Alex helped him into the backseat once he caught the slightly distressed look on his face. 

“Hey,” Alex said. Matthias didn’t look at him, but he knew that didn’t mean he wasn’t listening. “You don’t have to feel bad for not talking to someone. Even me or Michael. You don’t owe anyone anything.”

Matthias didn’t do anything in response, but Alex forced himself not to take that as a negative. In fact, he felt the day went better than he could’ve ever hoped for and was going to run with that feeling. Maybe he was going to be okay. 

They got home shortly after Michael did if the grease stains still on him were anything to go by. Matthias didn’t greet him with anything other than a nod in response to his “hey” before heading straight to the room they had set up for him. Neither of them followed.

“How’d it go today?” Michael asked. Alex took a deep breath and tried to act casual.

“It was fine,” Alex said. Michael smiled and raised an eyebrow which broke Alex. He all but jumped onto him. “He talked to me! And he held onto me when he felt uncomfortable! And I didn’t make a big deal out of either of them!” 

A wild grin broke out onto Michael’s face and he hugged Alex tight. “That’s amazing!”

“I know! I feel like I did something right,” Alex admitted, squeezing Michael because he needed to squeeze someone. He couldn’t stop smiling. He wasn’t horrible. He wasn’t horrible. _He wasn’t horrible._ “God, he spoke to me.”

“What’d he say?” Michael asked.

“He told me school was okay!” Alex said and then laughed because it sounded stupid in hindsight. And then he realized it wasn’t stupid. There was nothing stupid about it. He’d spoken to him.

“I’m so glad it went well,” Michael said and then finally went in for a kiss. Alex welcomed it enthusiastically. 

“Okay, I’m gonna go make dinner and then tonight we’re gonna celebrate the fact that I’m not a shitty dad,” Alex told him. Michael rolled his eyes and nodded, stealing one more kiss before letting him go to the kitchen.

Things were going to be okay.

-

“Hey, bud.”

Michael stood in the doorway of Matthias’ room. He was watching TV, but Michael caught the way he slightly tilted his ear towards the door. He was listening.

“I heard you had a good afternoon with Alex,” Michael said, “It means a lot to him that you two got to hang out today. We’re both really glad that you’re here.”

It was quiet for a moment and Michael walked away to let him have some alone time. He walked away and almost missed it. Almost.

“Me too.”

This was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
